Discourse on Desire
by Lok
Summary: Pride didn't work this time. Desire on the other hand...


_Copyright Bioware and so forth._

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><p>The desire demon looked to Merrill behind Hawke's bulk, into her eyes. "What about your companion there," it asked in it's sultry voice. "Is she as loyal as you claim she is?"<p>

"Yes, yes," Hawke waved a hand dismissively. "Let's get to the point shall we? The demon with a dress sense that makes Captain Pantsless uncomfortable wants to try and bribe Merrill with something she wants to fight me." He folded his arms. "The Pride demon next door tried that already and she told him to take his offer and shove it. If she refused what she's always wanted then I really don't see how some trollop with a coat rack on her head will succeed."

The demon stopped eyeing Merrill to smile knowingly at him. "Because unlike you, I know what she wants most of all..." she turned back to Merrill, languidly taking a few steps towards the elf before Hawke stepped next to her. Merrill looked like someone had just told her that her pet griffon had died.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," she said, feebly trying to dismiss the demon's words.

"...Don't you?" The demon sighed in pity. "Seeing him flirt with other women, even other _men_. Hearing the gossip of him being seen in the markets of Hightown with a noblewoman on his arm?" The young mage stared miserably at a stain on the floor.

"You mean the noblewomen I tolerate for Mother's sake?" Hawke tried to point out, but something wouldn't let him speak.

The desire demon dragged a hand down her breast to her inner thigh. "All these years watching. All these years _wanting. _Wanting him to look at you, and _only_ you. To see you as more than the bumbling fool you are." The demon's assault was relentless, and Merrill shrank with every word she heard.

"He might have eventually accepted you. He _might_ have accepted your blood magic. Eventually." Hawke couldn't see her face, but it was clear from her hitched breathing Merrill was starting to cry. The demon smiled cruelly.

"You might possibly have had a chance before he became a nobleman."

Hawke's eyes widened.

"But now? Nobles _never_ marry elves. Let alone _Dalish_ elves." The demon twisted the knife. "You'd never be anything more than a guilty secret, something to be ashamed of." She turned to study Hawke. "Assuming you'd even look at her that way in the first place."

He turned to Merrill. She was shaking, her shoulders juddering with muted sobs. Reaching out to her, she flinched away from him as he touched her shoulder. "You... for all this time," he asked disbelievingly. She couldn't look him in the eye. With her tear streaked face, Merrill nodded slightly before another sob escaped her.

"I..." for once in his life, Hawke was lost for words. "I'm... sorry Merrill,"

"Don't!" she choked at him though her tears, voice thick with sadness. "Don't say anything!"

"I can give you his love," the demon suggested, as it took his own form. Did he really look that muscular? His doppleganger walked closer to the elf. "I will always be there for you,"

"I'm already here for you Merrill!" Hawke interrupted depserately.

"Yes, he is," the demon sighed, stroking Merrill's cheek with a finger. "As a _friend_. I can make it so much..."

Merrill's eyes and face went blank.

"...Good girl," his twin purred, sliding an arm around her waist.

"Merrill, listen to me, ple-" A rock projectile smashing into him cut off anything else he was going to say. Slamming onto the floor, flat on his back, and he lay there stunned for a moment. Trying to get his breath back he tried to get up, only to realise he couldn't. He looked to see why, and was greeted with stone around his wrists and ankles. A sudden weight across his hips draw his attention back to Merrill. She was straddling him, slowly working on the clasps for his armour with that creepy blank look in her eyes and his bloody doppleganger by her side. It (he refused to think of it as a 'he') slid a hand up her body to cup one of her breasts, giving it a slow squeeze, watching him with satisfaction as it did. Hawke's muscles were straining but he couldn't break the grip, and the demon knew it. He flinched as felt a small hand slid beneath his under shirt and across his stomach. Swallowing, he looked into her hauntingly blank eyes.

"Merrill. _Merrill_, please." The hand stilled for barely a moment, before it went back to feeling his muscles. Hawke gritted his teeth.

"Merrill. _Please_, not like this! You already have me Merrill!" She stilled for a second. The demon noticed too, and a look of worry passed it's face. "That demon can't give you my love, you already have it! You don't have to dream this, you can live it!" She blinked, and her eyes seemed more focused. His doppleganger was looking visibly worried now. "This.. isn't exactly how I wanted to say it but I've feel the same! Ever since I met you on the mountain!"

"He's lying!" the demon hissed at Merrill, yanking her head to look at him. "Only I can give you what you want."

"Name _one_ time I've lied to you Merrill. _One_." She didn't move or react to the question, simply gazed into his twin's eyes.

Right before she swung her hand into it's face with a tearful cry, the acrid smell of burning flesh filling the room.

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><p>By the time a rather disorientated Hawke had woken up from the fade Merrill had fled. Stuck having to explain to Keeper Marethari and Feynriel's mother what had happened in the fade and Feynriel had gone to Teventir to learn more of his abilities. He also lied shamelessly about why Merrill was so upset, right before excusing himself and making his way across the square to Merrill's house.<p>

As he expected, locked.

He banged on it. "Merrill, let me in!" he called. He tried three more times before he gave up. She was embarrassed and humiliated enough, he didn't need to make the group of elves watching add to it. With a sigh of defeat, he returned home. Once there he had a bath and went straight to bed, he just wanted to forget this bloody day had ever happened.

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><p>The next thing he knew, he was being woken in the middle of the night by Bodahn gently shaking him. Blinking in sleepy confusion he sat up. "What's wrong?"<p>

"Forgive me Messer, but I was about to go to bed and the door was being knocked." He hesitated. "It's the young elf, Miss Merrill, she just arrived suddenly and..." he began. As soon as Hawke heard her name, he was already halfway to the door. Bodahn smiled to himself, quietly walking back to his own room through the servant stairway. The two young ones would want their privacy if he'd read their looks correctly.

Dashing to the landing Hawke looked down to see Merrill standing by the fire, water dripping off her. Looking out the nearest window he realised it was pouring with rain, before walking downstairs to her. He spoke as he approached. "Merrill." She jumped, turning her back to the fire to face him, shivering slightly.

"Hawke... I-I'm sorry about before and how I wouldn't answer the door, but I needed to think because," At this point her eyes were brimming with tears, "I was so stupid listening to that demon and I-"

"Merrill."

"Hawke, I nearly _raped_ you!" she wailed. Hawke tried to interrupt but she just kept ploughing on, silhouette pacing back and fourth in front of the fire. "Then to stop me getting us both killed you..." she stilled. Hawke remained silent, let get her thoughts together. Nothing but the occasional crack of a log broke the silence. She turned to face him. "I... couldn't wait. I was going to ask you tomorrow but... I have to know." Her eyes held his with an intensity usually reserved for the eluvian, along with fear, resignation and just a glimmer of hope. "Were you lying? I... I understand if you were, I won't be angry or blame you." She looked away again, crestfallen. Expecting the worse. Hawke swallowed. He was terrible at this sort of thing.

"I wasn't lying. You'd barely said two sentences to me and I knew I wanted you.." She looked at him with disbelief.

"That demon was wrong. I've always wanted you. When those stupid nobles are on my arm I imagine it's you instead, I wish it was you by my side at those insipid balls I have to attent. I... just... I never said anything because I thought..." Hawke shifted uncomfortably. "I thought you weren't interested." he finished lamely. Merrill's curious look spurred him on. "I know it sounds stupid but I... you were so focused on the mirror and... I thought me being human would bother you." She shook her head.

"No. No it doesn't." She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him tightly. "I love you." Her voice was thick with relief.

"Merrill."

She up looked up at him.

"I love you." He leant down. They kissed in the light of the fire, only the crackling of the logs and muffled hiss of the rain filled the silence. Finally they separated, breathing heavily, Hawke dazed by Merrill's passion, the elf nearly following Hawke's lips with her own, eyes lidded in desire. Suddenly Hawke realised something. "You're shivering." Merrill nodded. "I'm just a bit cold. It's okay." Breaking the embrace, Hawke shook his head. "It's not okay," he began as he lead her away from the fire to the stairs. "You need get out of your clothes, into something dry." Another thought struck him and he suddenly spun to face her, making Merrill jump and let go of his hand.

"Stay the night."

She froze, surprised but... thrilled? "I'm sorry?"

"You'll get drenched heading home. Stay here tonight. With me." For a moment, Hawke thought she'd say no, but she nodded, eyes never leaving his as she breathlessly whispered "Yes."

She took him by the hand and lead him to his room.

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><p>That morning, Lady Cecil's daughter was upset to receive a letter from Hawke, cancelling their meeting that day. She was even more distraught (and Kirkwall's nobility was shocked) when that afternoon it became known Ser Hawke had been seen publicly kissing his Dalish companion-who was leaving his home in the <em>morning<em>-outside his estate's entrance in a most intimate manner. Seven months later, the nobility was rocked with sensation when it was discovered Ser Hawke and the Dalish savage apparently known as Merrill had _married_.

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><p><em>Another kinkmeme fill. I came <em>so_ close to just having Merrill flat out rape Hawke but then I remembered I'm awful at sexiness (let alone actual sex) and that it would probably destroy Merrill once she came back to her senses.  
><em>


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